We are all woven into each other. Stretching back generations, to the present and reaching into the future.
What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. ~Pericles
When a family member dies there is another piece to your puzzle that is missing, and won’t be back. Your life is incomplete. Although we learn to grieve and move forward things are never quite the same. I lost my mom 5 years ago. This past September I lost my grandfather. My last living parent. My grandmother passed away when I was twenty-one.. So did my father. So I am truly parent-less.
It’s taken me some time to write this post, and with Remembrance Day approaching I thought it would be the right time as my grandfather was a veteran. He lived a long life. He was 91 and we had recently celebrated his birthday with him. He went to war for our country at such a young age.
I used to wonder why he slept with a light on. I remember asking my grandmother one time about it. She told me that he never slept, he was afraid of the dark. So he would keep a light on, but really only fall asleep when the sun came up. It made me so sad to think of it but through his whole life this was his routine. Even at the Veteran’s hospital, his room was never dark. It also made me realize that he experienced that fear that stayed with him, so we at home would never have to. So we could sleep with peace of mind in the dark.
At his funeral I was asked to speak, and I wrote a poem for him. I also sat and listened to the minister. When it comes to religion I am still walking my path and searching for what I believe in. My mom had all of us baptized, but that is as far as she went. Her own experiences growing up with the nuns made her decision to not incorporate religion in our lives. Waiting instead until we were old enough to choose for ourselves.
This may not make sense to my friends to who religion is a natural part of their own lives but it is how I was raised. I was exposed enough to it to learn. I went to Sunday school with my bus driver who was also a minister, I learned about religion in school but nothing has resonated with me. In that I believe that I am not faithless, my faith is my family, my husband, my children.
I am telling you this part because when I was listening to the minister at my grandfather’s service, he said something that made so much sense to me. He talked of the celtic weave that he wore and how it represented that God is the master weaver.
Which made me reflect for days. How similar are our lives to tapestries? How each person represents a strand that is intricately woven into us. We are woven into all the people we meet, and even when they are no longer with us by death or by choosing not to be there anymore. Their strand remains
I thought then of all the people I’ve lost. I took some small comfort knowning although I’ve lost my grandfather, his strand is still bold and strong, remaining always within the tapestry that is my own life. My mother who has been gone for 5 years, her strand is still bright, colorful, all over my tapestry, much like she was in life. She is in the very fibre that is me.
I also thought and reflected on the reverse side of a tapestry. It’s a jumbled mess of strands, an unappealing disaster, end pieces cut, knotted, the colors much more faded. When we face difficulties in life, our lives are similar to the mess of the back of the tapestry. It’s so easy to get lost and off track, forgetting to see how beautiful things are. Forgetting to concentrate on the positive things we’ve accomplished and experienced,
Also when we’ve had bad relationships, or just bad experiences with people that we want to erase. We want to cut those strands and take them out completely but we can’t because doing so would affect the outcome of who we were, who we are, and who we become.
We are all woven, deep into one another. The connections are infinite. When our own tapestry is coming to an end, it’s beautiful and not only that it’s continuous as our very own strands are woven into our families, our friends, our children and their children.
That resonates with me and gives me comfort on the days where I miss all my parents.