Once there was a time where we shared a body, where my breath was yours. When everything you needed I provided. Direct from me. That was thirteen years ago.
My daughter you’ve changed my life. Who I am, the very fiber of my being altered the day you were born. I changed so much when you came along. I became a mama bear. Over-protective and constantly worried. That part of me that wants to protect you has never wavered.
I do realize though I need to let go a little. Before I do I want you to know something. I will always be here for you. There are so many wonderful things coming your way. A life full of happiness and laughter. Yet there will be heartache too.
I know you will always try to make the right decisions. To be fair, honest, loyal and loving. You will learn how important it is not to judge people and situations. To be open and compassionate. To be helpful when you can and to strive for kindness. I see it already in you. I am so proud of all these qualities in you.
Raising kids is so challenging, but so rewarding. It’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me for so many reasons. When you become a teenager it’s usually time to take baby steps toward adulthood. It’s time for you to start carving your own path in life.
I want to tell you that yes you are thirteen, but you are still a child. Don’t be in too much of a rush to put away childish things. Life for you will always be an adventure. Try always to see it that way. See the positive even when the negativity wants to overshadow all the good.
Growing up is like being in a hot air balloon. In my mind I see your balloon in a beautiful blue sky. Paired with rays of sunshine. Those days will be a breeze for you. Those perfect days.
There will be dark days ahead too. It’s inevitable. Strong winds and rain. Storms that will try to knock you out of the sky. I know you will learn to navigate those storms as best you can. I will always be there for you even though you may not want it.
I will be there to shoulder the storms with you. You may not want the shelter or solace I can give you. I know it will be hard for me to accept but I will understand. You won’t always want your mom around.
What I want you to know is I will never let your balloon crash. I will be there to breathe hot air into it to lift you higher. Just like thirteen years ago where my breath was your breath. When my body was your shelter and your home
I will always watch out for you and be there to catch you when you fall. I will be there for you to lean on but you will learn stand on your own. No matter what happens in this life, you will always have a soft place to land.
With a mother who loves you. I will watch you learn and grow. I will try hard not to do everything for you. I know your experiences will be yours to live, as are the mistakes. I will be here to help dust you off, and watch you launch yourself over and over into the skies of life. I’ll watch you show your exquisite rainbow to the world. Your qualities are a wondrous kaleidoscope.
I will be here, hand shading my eyes as I squint into the bright sun. You will amaze me with all that you will do. I will be happy for you, but with a touch of sadness and at times a longing for when our lives were frozen in time. Moments when I held you in my arms, rocked the hours away. I would gaze for hours into your sky blue eyes.
I will remember how the earth shattered in me with the understanding of how one little girl so small could turn me into such a force of nature. How your first precious breath on your own separated you from me but tied us together forever.
I knew when I was pregnant with you I would love you, but I never realized how raw and primal that love would be. How your first cry resonated so deep in me, searching for my voice and my answer, without hesitation, in that room where you were born. I am here. I am your mom.
I remember that day with such clarity. The slow joyful understanding in that very moment that you, my beautiful thirteen year old girl, had the power to do something no one else could do. You made me a mom.